Things wot I av learned

I am sitting here on the plane; exhausted but bored. We are refuelling so one very long hour stuck on the plane. Lights on so can’t sleep, no internet so can’t email and have already read half my book. What’s left..mm..thinking?

   What with time differences I will arrive back home in about 24 hours. Lots of time to reflect on all the deep and significant things I’ve learnt over this year. In the spirit of self growth I write this letter to me. (wow don’t I sound grown up?!)

  

  Dear Victoria of 2010,

     Good news; after 30 long years of ghost like paleness you will finally get a tan (take lots of photos!)

  

   Don’t get freaked out by the “flying your corpse back home” insurance bit-you do make it back home alive, yay. Don’t worry about what clothes and shoes to bring out; everything gets mouldy, rots and falls apart in the hunidity (yes you will look rough-get over it!) Don’t worry about “over using” the internet, it’s normal to want to speak to friends & family. Don’t forget to bring chocolate and tea bags-these will buy you friends and make you the most popular missionary in the country.

  

      Do practise a photo pose! Ecuadorians LOVE pictures and want to pose like models; a polite smile won’t be enough. Do pack that box of hair dye, the sun will make you go grey (why does nature hate me?!) Do get every injection the travel clinic recommends even if they are expensive-I don’t want to scare you but you will get seriously ill and those injections are a life saver. Do try to remember to pack sunglasses-nobody with a brain cell turns up to South America without sunglasses!!!!

    

       Relax; this will the most difficult but amazing year of your life. Yes you will change but I think..I hope that’s ok.

               Love

                      V xxx

P.S. Pack tissues-you will cry when you leave Ecuador.

practically perfect in every way

I love detective series and one of my favourite quotes from "Morse" is; "Coffee is instant, death is instantaneous!"

  Salvation is instant but WE are a process. It is long, hard and there will be relapses. We are no longer a perfect creation but we are being perfected every day.

damp dogs and thermal troubles

My plans for this week were for Amy and I to go to RioBamba and do the mountain train. But...this is Ecuador and nothing EVER goes according plan. Instead of the train it was decided that we would take Claire's parents away to the beach but...on Wednesday we had an earthquake. Not a huge earthquake but bad enough to be a nuisance! It turns out hitting the beach straight after an earthquake is not a great idea-apparently pesky things like a tsunami or flooding tend to kill the party spirit. So unto plan 3-go and visit Banos, a small town up in the mountains next to a volcano.


     Banos was wonderful!!! We had sunshine and clear blue skies. Blue sky woohoo!You probably think I'm raving madly but blue skies is something I haven't seen in months and months. Santo is hot but it is always cloudy and humid; we have no breeze, no clear skies and no sunshine. Thursday we found a hotel, had a walk around the town and bought souvenirs. Late afternoon we got a taxi up to the "Cafe del Cielo" (Sky Cafe) which is on top of the mountains. 

    From there we had stunning views of the mountains and valleys. We watched as the sun set over the mountains, 

 the stars came out .....

 and the town below slowly lit up; it was gorgeous.

   Friday morning we went White water rafting! Oh wow! Hour long trip to the river in a wooden van/bus with no walls or doors gave us an early adrenaline rush before we'd even started. Slightly awkward moment when I realised I had put on my (horribly unflattering) wetsuit on back to front but all was well. 

The before photo (still dry)

We had a safety talk which is a novelty over here; my favourite moment was when being instructed on what to do if you fall out of the boat "pass us the oar first before we help you, this is very important..the oar cost us $45!" The rafting was great. On top of trying to stay in the boat and follow instructions we had an extra element of fun-a pet dog. Lovely and friendly animal but when you are madly paddling to stay afloat you do not need a dog sitting on your lap and wanting to be hugged! At regular intervals we would all have to sit inside the raft or you fall out-several times I leapt into the boat to find the dog curled up in my place.

The after photo-a touch damp!

   We finished off our trip by bathing in the thermal pools. Had a small fight with a pool attendant who wouldn't let Amy and I into the HOT pool (45C) because our clothes were in an orange box and you needed a yellow box for the hot pool.Why?! But once we'd finished arguing, explaining and finally caving in to the totally ridiculous rules it was lovely. Sitting in a hot pool whilst the sun sets and it became night was magical.

you can never go back home

Somebody recently told me that living and working abroad is a great privilege.  We have the chance to immerse ourselves in a culture, fully share the experiences of that country and gain extraordinary friends and family. However, this amazing  opportunity comes at a price-after our time abroad we can never truly be "at home" in one place again. Is this true?


  When I decided to come to Ecuador I knew I would have to sacrifice many things but nobody told me about possibly losing my sense of home. If this is true then is it a price I would have agreed to pay?

Daily trials

What is my life like on a daily basis? Well mostly I am very lucky; I'm in a house in a safe area. I have regular meals, a shower with hot water and a room of my own. I really shouldn't moan......but...


1. Until last month we had no regular water supply, we had to buy it off a tanker. This meant we frequently ran out of water (usually when I was in the shower with shampoo in my hair!) No water means you can't shower, have no clean clothes and filthy plates lying around.


2. Our gas supply is the good old gas bottle. Nothing wrong with that perhaps until the gas runs out like it did tonight. We had a tiny amount left which meant I had to decide between having a hot water shower and eating a snack or showering in cold water and having a cooked dinner. Which do you choose? Plus the gas somehow doesn't work for washing machines so your clothes get washed in cold water which basically means they aren't really clean ever.


3. No electric kettle. Yes I know that sounds petty but having to boil up the water in a metal kettle or large pot over a gas stove every time you want a hot drink or food gets tiresome.


4. No drinking water. Tap water is not drinkable so you either buy it in huge bottles or you use tap water and boil it (see problems 2 and 3!)


5. Ants! No, not big evil tropical ants but tiny microscopic ones which get everywhere and I mean EVERYWHERE! Ants in the shower, in your clothes, in your bed, running all over your laptop and of course in all your food and drink. First 2 weeks when you catch an ant in your food&drink you look disgusted and wonder whether to bin the food. 2 months-you merely sigh, heave the ants out your cup of tea and carry on drinking. 1 year-you search your food for ants and wonder why there isn't any ants? Last week we found ants in my box of cereal; after a long look we decided there was more bran flakes than ants so I kept the packet!

Los Tsachilas

This morning started in true Ecuadorian style when William (my host dad&pastor) banged loudly on my door at 9.03 and shouted "ready to go?" No I was not ready to go! I had got up a whole 60 seconds earlier (had been unwell so up all night.) Today we had planned to visit the Tschilas Indians at 10 but as usual time isn't important 9 is the same as 10 or 11 or even 3pm. There should be an Olympic event in getting ready fast because I have to be in there with a chance; I managed to get dressed, do my hair &make-up (yes even in the jungle mascara is vital!) pack a bag and make a frantic phone call to speed up Amy and be out my room in 5 minutes.


   Once we were all dressed, fed and then suitably delayed we were off! We drove out of town to some gorgeous and lush forests where the indians have their communities. The Tsachilas are an indigenous people to this region hence the name Santo Domingo de Los Tsachilas. 

The visit was fascinating; we were shown round by Emmanuel who is the shaman and one of the leaders of the community. He showed us various herbs they use as traditional medicines, hallucinogenic plants (no we didn't have a try) and how they capture snakes and preserve them in oil again for healing purposes. Apparently if anyone has a bad back then don't bother with Paracetamol it's pickled Coral snake oil you want! 

Crushed Achiote seeds which they pain their hair with

We saw an underground mini temple/sweat lodge thing and ended up with a few of the indians playing music and dancing. Was lovely until they dragged us up and made us join in. 4 blushing Brits bouncing on the spot and pretending they weren't really there-slightly lost some of the native mystic!

us having a try

P.S For anyone who has written to me and wondered what or who the Tsachilas in the address was-hope this clarified ;)

A typical town in Ecuador. Forgive the dreadful shaking but I was hanging out of the window and the roads are *rough*

feeding the pigeons in the park and the iguanas!

here be Iguanas!

Thursday afternoon we visited the Iguana park.

 I, in my youthful innocence, had expected it to be some kind of zoological park but no, the Iguanas are just wandering about a normal park. So weird but very cool! You walk along and there are the Iguanas; being fed with the pigeons, walking alongside you or having a rest on the benches.

  On Friday we walked along the Malecon (promenade) along the river. No, I don't have photos but take my word for it that it was gorgeous. Cafes, ice cream stalls, mini parks and huge old trees lined the walk. We could have happily spent the whole day there but we had serious touristy things to do! 

Las Penas

Our aim was Las Penas-this is a hill where you climb the 444 steps up to the top where there is a lighthouse and some pretty huge canons which were used to fight off pirates.

just about to tackle the 444 steps..bring it on!

at the top of the lighthouse on top of Las Penas. Was the view worth it?!

    Late Friday afternoon we headed back to Santo. 10 hours round trip for a 24 hour mini break, I'd never do this in the UK and yes I was exhausted but it was great!

Guayaquil

On Thursday Amy and I joined Claire and her fiance Edwin on a trip to Guayaquil. This is biggest city and the commercial centre of the country. I have wanted to visit all year but Guayaquil has a terrible reputation for crime and I just didn't fancy being robbed and murdered so I haven't been. However with Edwin and Claire there to fight off the robbers Amy and I decided to tag along and see what all the fuss was about!

   We had a lovely 5 hour drive south- Passing sun drenched banana plantations and shining flood plains. Salsa music playing and palm trees gently swaying in the breeze.

  We arrived to a busy and very hot Guayaquil. 35 C at least and high humidity levels meant we spend the entire time there exhausted and wanting nothing more than to pass out in front of the air conditioning unit. Our first stop was the British Consulate to sort out papers for Claire & Edwin (they are getting married this week.) The Consulate was...sweet! Stupid description but true. The lady was thrilled to meet more British people (Brits are a novelty in the British consulate?!) and we were ushered in with big smiles. Every photo of the Queen was very dated and each info leaflet proudly displayed was at least 14 years out of date. For sheer randomness though my favourite touch was the bottle of red wine proudly on display by the letter rack!

      After the paperwork got sorted we went to our hotel. Amy and I decided to save some money and go for a double room instead of a twin room. Over here a double is called a "matrimony" room and it caused quite a stir when 2 girls wanted a marriage room. We got some very funny looks and muttered comments; we later realised that we were both wearing matching rings and they look like wedding rings so obviously incorrect conclusions had been made! Prostitution is legal over here and the hotel had rooms available for day use and I swear we got a "day" room! Mirrors at the head and foot of the bed (very disconcerting to be able to see yourself from every angle!) not to mention a shower soo big it could fit about 5 people in it. Plus a thoughtfully placed phone directory right by the private phone...mmmmm. It is funny to be somewhere where homosexuality is condemned but prostitution is legal and socially accepted.

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away... I bought a return to ticket to Ecuador. Leaving 19th Jan and returning..well...I couldn't book my return flight for Jan 2012 because air companies only plan flights 9 months in advance. So my return was booked for April with the understanding that it would be changed to Jan '12 when possible. April came and Liverpool airport changed my ticket to 17th Feb'12. A perfect happy ending-break out the party Ewoks!!!

 BUT...it is a dark time for the young missionaries. In spite of having changed my return ticket the evil galactic empire known as KLM has secretly decided that a brave warrior (me!) will have her ticket deemed illegal and cancelled.This dastardly plan was discovered and the rebels and I fought back for many days but were finally defeated. In the end the Jedi warrior Lianne (A.K.A my mum) was sent forward to single combat; to do battle and restore justice to the land and my ticket home! 

  The battle began...the evil forces of KLM ranged against a lonely Jedi knight (think the determination Princess Leia but with the terribly English politeness of the Empire Officers.) Armed with merely a polite smile and the dreaded TEACHER'S STARE she spent all day wrestling with KLM. Hours and hours they spent in battle; phone calls were made, emails sent, notes written, managers brought in and finally...legal department consulted!

      In the final moments of the struggle KLM decided to re-establish the original ticket and allow the young warrior to return home to her people. This is a great victory and we await the 17th Feb with a new hope!

* Cue vaguely tribal drum music and lots of celebratory fireworks*

Today is the official start of my farewells. I spent Decmber tired and desperately wanting to return to England but now that it is actually happening...I don't want to leave! Why am I so contrary?!

This morning was the last day of school, the kids won't return now until the "new" school year in April so this was the last time I would see them.

 How do you say goodbye to a child? 

They don't understand that I probably won't return or ever see them again but I know it and it is upsetting.

     I have never considered myself as "child" person. I like children obviously but I have never wanted to be a teacher or work with children full time and yet here I am! I spent all my teenage years declaring that I "will never ever work with kids!" (famous last words.) and now I have spent the last year working in a school-not just lots of children but children with special needs!!
     The thing is; watching the kids go up for their certificates-"most calm", "biggest smile" and the highly valued "does her homework" I was so proud of them! I didn't think I would say this but I will honestly miss these gorgeous, tiring, hyperactive and wonderful children.

 

never will I forsake you

Once I commit myself to God then I am his forever.

Death brings me into His presence, no conflict or darkness can separate us not even all the powers of heaven and hell! But what about me?

I get angry, hurt and turn away. I become lonely or bored and drift away. I do not praise or pray-can I leave God?

I damage myself, sometimes I hate God's creation in me. At times it feels as though I can destroy what even the demons themselves couldn't break.

But my anger, pain and self loathing doesn't win. I may forsake God but He NEVER leaves me.

     "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you"

Hebrews 13 v 5

girly time-Ecuador style!!

On Saturday; Amy fancied going "out". We had to be out and about!!!  We wandered into town and stopped off at a jewellery  stall. Now when I say stall what I mean is-a man with jewellery pinned on an umbrella! And yes this is normal-our umbrella jewellers are everywhere in Santo! Amy and I bought ourselves a silver ring each which the man kindly inscribed for us. The inscription is...unique. Looks like it was done by a weak and drunken ant but as I keep telling myself, it all adds rustic charm! After we paid the princely sum of $3 each (so maybe not actual silver then!) we moved on. Our planned activity for the day was to get a manicure done. Everyone gets them done here (including some men) so we decided to go native and get pretty!

   The first parlour we went to had a new door being built so we had to stop the workers from working to get in. They were very nice though and all stopped working and ushered us in-very grand entrance. This was made even more embarassing by the fact that EVERYONE in the shop all stopped talking and avidly stared at us. Of course the nail bit was at the back so we had to walk past everyone before we could slide into a chair and try to pretend we weren't there. 2 minutes later we realised there was quite a queue and we didn't want to wait but..we didn't want to do the WALK back through the shop either. Another minute while we decided whether to shame ourselves or be cowardly and wait. We finally made the brave decision and left (kindly ushered out by the builders.) We finally ended up in a tiny shop and were "done" by a very sweet girl. I could have done without the friendly Columbian who spent the entire time telling me tourist attractions but in such a strong accent  Amy and I didn't understand a word (polite smile and a well timed "ah yes" sufficed) but..it was very nice.

Amy getting her first ever manicure!

pedicure for me

  We decided to end our very girly day by doing some baking. Spent 10 minutes debating over which bag of raisins was the cheapest and then did some mental currency converting and realised we were fussing over 5p. 

Error 1-Our proposed kitchen was banned because of toxic fumigation fumes (you just can't make up this kind of stuff!) so we cooked in the school kitchen.

Error 2 was using an oven which apparently didn't reach the temp  the recipe demanded. 

Error 3-MAY have been the total lack of baking tray so us trying to improvise with a GIANT cast iron bowl instead!

  In our defence though, I have to say the cookies weren't bad at all and got all eaten up immediately by my family so yay for us.

you win some, you lose some

The last few days have been the dreaded school exams! The questions are as basic as possible but it still seems to take us hours to get through each page and the children's blank looks are hugely frustrating. We have been doing the same stuff ALL YEAR how can they not remember??? My consolation is that teachers all over the world face this and carry on living!

   Today we had the last exam (hurrah!) The final part of it was role playing. Each child was offered the choice between fireman or doctor and they had to pick correct clothes and props and "play" for 1 minute as their character.
    Some of us got it right...

    Some of us lived the role heart and soul...

    And...some of us spectacularly failed and just tried on everything!!!!!!

Ups & downs in Laura Flores

As per usual on  a Wednesday, this afternoon I went to Laura Flores to help with the women's Bible study group. Sounds pretty boring but believe it is anything but boring!! A new year but LF is still the same; dirty, smelly, over crowded and full of hair raising tales of abuse, crime and neglect.
       Today only 4 women came but small is best! One lady arrived quite upset since a relative has recently died and she is worried about him. She said he was a Christian but was concerned if he was well, safe and happy. Since there was so few of us we had the time to sit with her and chat. Comfort her, calm her doubts and assure her that her relative hasn't been abandoned but is safe with God. I am still mourning the recent loss of a friend and it was so nice to hear these reassurances as well. I know many people who don't share my faith but for me; to know that my friend is safe, well, happy and loved is a huge comfort  and I am so grateful for that consolation.
     During the study the same lady talked about a cousin of hers, LJ. LJ is 22 and is a drug addict who lives on the streets. According to her he is nice " he isn't violent to me or rob me"(!) but he does rob from everyone else including his mother. In spite of being in rehab 3 times he is still an addict and his poor family are giving up hope. What can we do? To be honest there  is very little I can do and I feel so sorry for her and the family. I was saddened even more to hear all the other women share similar concerns. All 4 women are robbed and beaten by drug/alcohol fuelled relatives. All of them live in dread of yet another relative being found dead in the street! They lead such unhappy lives but each week they come and say how blessed they are!
     After the study it was suggested that we could visit LJ (he was having a sleep at his cousins house) but to be careful because if he saw strangers he might run away or turn violent. After long and mature consideration I suggested that it might be best if I and Amy didn't go, after all we wouldn't want to overwhelm LJ(!) This meant that instead Amy and I sat in the mini bus for half an hour and entertained the local kids. This is very easy...just take out a camera. These kids have nothing-no toys, no books, no games, nothing. For them; the joy of having a photo taken or even...TO HOLD THE CAMERA is the highlight of their day! And these are the results...

Hello, goodbye

Right, well the antibiotics have worked woohoo!


   My host family came home yesterday with a baby rabbit!It's sooo cute. Tiny and very fluffy it's already adored by everyone.

Showing off "Bunny" on skype gave me the perfect opportunity to introduce my host mum and brother to my parents. I'm so glad they finally got to "meet" although the translating was a bit tricky especially when my dad joined in.I ended up speaking 3 languages but getting very confused as to which language was what! Think I ended up just saying a random mix of words oops.


   The last few days have brought me clarity. I know what work I will do when I return and have already started contacting people. And I have decided to not come home for Andrews funeral. I miss him but I know this is the right decision. Andrew helped me all of last year to do my fundraising and he kept on telling me to travel and make the most of my opportunities so I'm going to honour that.

I get by with a little help from my friends

When I woke up this morning I felt miserable, tired and sick. Now? Well the room won't stop spinning and I still have a temperature but I'm happy. So what's happened since this morning? Friends!

  My host family are great but their way of coping when I'm ill is to avoid me. I hope I'm not being harsh when I say that from my point of view it's a fairly miserable tactic. At the moment I am incredibly dizzy; I can't leave the flat and even standing up is a challenge so as you can imagine my food supply is running low and cooking is impossible. Today Amy came round with some orange juice and food she'd bought for me and Claire also popped round with a huge, freshly made Shepherds pie for me! I have such amazing friends.

  Plus this morning a dear friend asked me to be Godmother to her (gorgeous) daughter.I'm absolutely thrilled and can't wait to go home and be with that family again and tell my new god-daughter how proud I am of her!

God has created me to do him some definite service

God has created me to do him some definite service: he has committed some work to me which He has not committed to another,I have my mission-I may never know it in this life, but I shall be told it in the next.
   I am a link in a chain, a bond of connection between persons. He has not created me for naught. I shall do good; I shall do his work. I shall be an angel of peace, a preacher of truth in my own place while not intending it-if I do but keep his commandments.
   Therefore I will trust Him. Whatever, wherever I am. I can never be thrown away. If I am in sickness, my sickness may serve Him: in perplexity, my perplexity may serve Him. He does nothing in vain. He knows what He is about. He may take away my friends; he may throw me among strangers. He may make me feel desolate, make my spirits sink, hide my future from me-still He knows what He is about.

                    John Henry Newman

What next?

I have spent the last few days meaning to write about my New Year and some other fun stuff I've done but to be honest I couldn't be bothered. I've been tired, fed up and unable to concentrate. I am grieving over the sudden death of a friend, I am trying to discern what I should with my life when I return home and...I'm ill.

  ill again! This is getting tedious. This time I have an infection causing swelling in my inner ear which is making me dizzy and giving me headaches apparently. I am now on antibiotics, pain killers and anti inflammatories. This of course is just the starter; it turns out I may also have parasites in my stomach and possibly a relapse of my old friend-Dengue Fever. I've been for a blood test and am awaiting the results (everyone who owns a phone and speaks Spanish is out so more waiting around.)

  In a way, being ill is useful since it does explain my fatigue, misery and it gives me the perfect excuse for feeling sorry for myself. (fever does also explain why I've been feeling cold even when clutching a hot water bottle in 30C temperatures!) Being ill though does not help me decide what to do.

I only have 9 days of work left and then I can travel around until I fly back next month. Do I fly back early next week so I can attend my friends funeral (and get checked out by a Brit GP) or I stay on the final 6 weeks?

If my head just stopped hurting then maybe I could think straight.

Lesson learnt

It's New year. Well, obviously Happy New Year! I hope that 2012 is a good year filled with fun, purpose and love.


End of one year and the start of a new year, I don't know about you but it does make me think. What have I learnt, what were my experiences good and bad in 2011 and how will I use this knowledge?


Here is some of what I have learnt and experienced in coming here:


I know people who are dirt poor and yet are happy!I have met some people who are crueller and more selfish than I had ever met before.



I know the feeling of futility that comes of working in situations that seem so bad you don't feel you can help. I know that sometimes simply being there and standing alongside someone can help.



I've had the overwhelming experience of being surrounded by people and not able to get away and go home. Finding friends in the most unexpected places. Being away has made certain friends fade away and that has been hard but then people who weren't friends before have suddenly become good friends.


I have seen someone badly hurt and know the horror, pain and despair that comes when you cannot help. I've gained the comfort of knowing that when all else fails, I can pray for someone.


I have experienced the horrible pain of losing someone whilst away. Unable to grieve with others, share memories and pay respects I have had to become stronger.


I know that people are infinitely more complicated, flawed and amazing than I had realised. Sometimes I learnt this in heart breaking ways but I'm still grateful for the opportunity to learn these things.


I don't yet know how I'll use this knowledge but I'm looking forward to 2012 and a chance to move forward.