God and I don't always have the same timetable

Well what an afternoon! As you may know I have been struggling recently with work. I am still in the school for disabled children and they certainly keep me on my toes but I also want to do more.


    I was meant to be doing womens' work but the lady who was leading the work has fallen ill so it's been put on hold. The youth group I was going to help out with seems to have stopped meeting! Seems like everything I try hasn't quite worked out. Been praying for guidance and inspiration. Other missionaries say this is quite normal and that now I have to look around, be pro-active and start making opportunities. Wise advice but not something I am used to. Up until now opportunities have come to me and to have to go out and look for work is a confusing, new and scary experience!! I don't think this is something I'm very good at :(


  Last Thursday Jill and I discussed some possible options for me including prayer walking and home visits. On my return from Quito, I gritted my  teeth, took a deep breath and asked my informal Spanish teacher if she'd like to do a prayer walk with me and she agreed! Roll on Wednesday...


   Today came and...I did not want to go out. I have a cold and nasty cough. I've been coughing in a pathetic way but nobody has sympathised with me! I can't pray out loud well in English let alone in Spanish and I felt poorly. To be absolutely honest I was feeling quite petulant and was desperately hoping for an excuse to not go but no genuine excuse turned up.


  I went to my friend and carefully explained my plan to her. Several weeks of practising praying in Spanish and going out for SHORT prayer walks. Once I have built up my confidence then maybe we could start doing house visits to a few lonely and old people. My friend agreed happily and we prayed together. 10 minutes later she stood and said that she'd hurt her knee last week and didn't fancy walking (then why agree?!) so instead we'd go round and do a house visit! WHAT????????????? Before I could argue she swept me out the house, round the corner and into a total strangers house. Comforting myself with the thought that an old, widowed lady would be nice to me plus she'd be alone I stepped inside.


    Well, She was not being visited because she was lonely but because she'd had an entire foot amputated (and yes I saw the wound!) I was still adjusting to that pretty sight when her ENTIRE family turned up to visit her and joined us! Needless to say I was manoeuvred into praying out loud, in Spanish and in front of various people. Not quite what I had planned!


    Several things have happened:
My cough and cold have paled into insignificance compared to that poor lady!


I'm buzzing from the high of having been challenged and survived.


I'm happy because I feel useful.


I've received a subtle hint that my timing isn't always right, possible because God actually is God and I am not!
and...
I've been reminded that God is in charge and He really does make everything work out for the best.


   

mini break

  I've been away for a few days to Quito. I travelled up on Thursday morning with Jill (she's now in the UK for 6  weeks), a right performance too including botched up time-tables, potential wrong bus stations and a delay due to an over turned lorry...however..we did finally arrive ok. Spent what little time we had left visiting the artisan market (yes I did pick up a few souvenirs!) We also visited "The Church of the Society of Jesus"-oh boy! Built by the Jesuits and then covered in gold!!!! 23carat gold. It is stunning and quite unbelievable.









 Downstairs they had a revolting funeral bier thing with a dead Jesus on which was ghastly and quite put me off my lunch but apart from that it was amazing! 


I stayed Thursday night in a hostel (on "Queen Victoria" street!) and then Friday morning met up with Amy, the new Missionary girl.

      
     We decided to be thoroughly touristy and did "La casa Cultural" with our cenco (visa/pass thing) we got in really cheap at about 35p!It had old and modern Equatorian art, ancient musical instrument all made out of bones, beaks and wood and traditional native costumes. All different but good!  In the evening it was our leaving party for another missionary and then I stayed over with friends. Was meant to return on Saturday but extended my mini hols :) 


      Saturday I went out with the "girls" Claire&Amy and we went back into Quito centre and we did the house and "Chapel of Man" of HUGELY FAMOUS local painter called Guayasamin. Very Piccasso like so not usually my style but there were some amazing pics. He did paint about the Inca, Maya, Aztec tribes and about the oppression of indigenous people who were oppressed so fairly miserable at times but good.

"Tears of Blood"

70 million world-wide oppressed natives were slaughtered in last 150 years is a staggering figure.

Afterwards we relaxed, had ice cream, lunch and then went out for coffee. On our return to the suburbs I visited Bill and Ceci (my Quito family) which was nice. In the night time Claire and I watched a couple of films and had some wine which caused a minor scandal!!!!!

  This morning we visited a small church half way up a mountain attended by the mountain people (surprisingly enough!) Service was long and have to admit to nearly dozing off. Their offer of lunch was kind but roasted pig skin doesn't really do it for me, especially when after my first bite I could see the hair still attached! This afternoon I came back on the bus alone and here I am!!

Fathers' Day

Thank you God. Even though I'm celebrating Fathers' Day so far away from Papa-I have a father in you. My daddy is on the other side of the world but I have a father who is always with me.

When I was ill and daddy couldn't comfort me, you did.When I walk down the street alone, you are there looking after me. When I feel alone and Papa can't reach across the ocean to hug me,you put your arms around me and remind me how loved I am.


   Thank you that as I stand here alone on Fathers Day, you are standing next to me. And I know that I am special and safe because I am loved by the BEST father.

Jesus, our companion,

                                              when we are driven to despair,

                                        help us, through the friends and strangers

                                            we encounter on our path,

                                               to know you as our refuge,

                                             our way, our truth and our life.

Salva me

Domine deus miserere mei

Carry me away

From the dark I fear

When the storm is near

From the endless night

From my blinded sight

To a sky of light

Free me to fly away

Salva me

Carry me away

From the things that harm

On the sea of calm

From the endless night

From my blinded sight

To a sky of light

bad news, sad news and I what do I do?

One of my best and oldest friends is due to have her first baby tomorrow! It is wonderful and happy news and obviously I'm thrilled for her but...I'm not there! I was hardly going to join her in the delivery room but I would love to be there now to share her excitement, giver her a hug and to be able to rush round once she's home and have a hold of the baby. I can't hug her, take photos or hold the baby. I rang her today and we had a lovely chat but it isn't the same and I hate that.


    I had an email today to say an old family friend has died. He's been ill for a while now so I am not hugely shocked but it's still a nasty surprise and sad news. Once again I feel helpless and distant. I can't sign our family condolence card, see the family or go to the funeral.


  I am stuck here. What do I do?


Each week on Tuesdays I'm part of a prayer group who pray for our womens' work. Each week I hear more and more life stories that would make you weep. Cancer but too poor to afford drugs. Daughters who've been taken away to be prostitutes. Women who've had children murdered. Pregnant women beaten to kill their unwanted and unborn baby. The list goes on. Each woman is uneducated, poverty stricken, has many children which she cannot provide for and has been abused/has a violent or unfaithful husband. These poor women are trapped in their miserable lives with no way to help themselves or their children. They are too sick or uneducated to gain proper work. They have to take on "boyfriends" or stick with abusive husbands in order to feed their children.


  We frequently talk about a hopeless situation but until now I don't think I truly saw people without hope. These women are trapped in an endless cycle which carries on with the children. Our foundation gives money, starts up classes for children and support groups for the women but the sickness, abuse and pain continues. I pray for the same women every week and my partner Jill has been praying for years and...the shanty town is flourishing, the children are now teenage girls with children of their own and the women are still being beaten.
 These women are so lost, they are without options and have no future. Am beginning to realise the pain and inertia that comes from being truly without hope.


 I am stuck here. What do I do?


  I pray. I work in the school and support group. I visit the women and try to help them. Itry to show those women and children that they are precious and that God loves them.


  To be honest that feels like I'm doing doing nothing. I just hope and pray that sometime, somehow we get some hope.

a sad and sorry Tigger

Home-sick: experiencing a longing for one's home during a period of absence from it.


   Well, if that is the definition then I am NOT home-sick. I don't particularly want to be back in sunny Liverpool. On the other hand I am thinking longingly of all the things I can do when I return. I do not miss the cold of England but I do miss the comforts of the cold! Fluffy blanket, hot cups of tea, comfy slippers and  wrapping up in a fleecy dressing-gown. I do look forward to coming home to these. I have seen lush tropical forests, palm and banana trees galore and I am looking forward to ice, hail, snow and walks in Calderstones Park!  We are silly; always craving what we don't have!


   It's been a emotional week and now I am unwell with a stomach upset. As you can imagine they are very common out here and I'm very lucky that this is my first serious upset. Instead of rejoicing in my previous good fortune though I am sitting here feeling rather miserable and sad&sorry for myself.

Children are a gift from God...always?

  Today is "Childrens Day" here and it is a big deal! so much for my mums "every day is childrens day!" philosophy!!! This morning we didn't do any work which was nice but we did spend the whole time painting and playing games and dancing instead which leaves me rather tired to be honest. Especially since dancing means jumping up and down and generally being bouncy. We have one very large boy who has managed to become as wide as he is tall. Naturally the poor kid has no energy and refuses anything that requires movement. I was shocked that the teachers don't insist on his joining in! Normally I would just move the child in question but obviously that was impossible in this case!! Not prepared to give up so easily I grabbed his hands and danced and moved his arms along with me...he was NOT pleased! I got a most outraged and disgusted look.

   I'm going out to Laura Flores this afternoon for their Children's party (no rest for the wicked.) This will,hopefully, be a good opportunity for me to meet the mums and have maybe even have a chat with them. I've volunteered to help out with the women's ministry there; doing craft workshops and possibly massages.

     Tonight is THE night...I'm dyeing my hair woohoo. I say I am but actually I've roped in my local friendly missionary Katy to do it for me. The amusing thing is, she's never ever used hair dye before. I'm partly worried about getting dyed ears and partly amused by the feeling I get that I'm a worldly influence on the missionaries here!  I also got another manicure yesterday which was fun. This time I have musical notes  on my nails.  The young girl who "did" me was fascinated, she'd never met a white person before! I hope I didn't let the side down.